Tales of dentist woe…

Today is our kids’ first visit to the dentist.

If you just got chills down your spine and actually felt sympathy for some random person over the Interwebz, congrats, you have kids. You’ve either taken those kids to the dentist (I’m so sorry) or you’ve contemplated it in horror, wondering just how long you can get away with not taking them. Possibly, you’re one of those people who was tortured by dentists as a kid, but you’re in the minority. Fact is, dentists rarely torture children without reason, and that reason is usually orthodontic procedures. Thankfully, my kids’ teeth are reasonably straight — thank you sweet baby jeebus — so I don’t really have to worry about this.

But taking a toddler to a doctor’s office, any doctor’s office, is hell. Invariably, they do something the kid isn’t comfortable with, and screaming/crying/whining/total fucking meltdown begins. And can you blame them? Someone they barely know is all up in their personal space, poking and prodding them. I’d be nervous and pissed too. It just gets sooooo much worse when the poking and prodding is around sharp little teeth while being held down and wrenched open. It’s about as invasive as a pelvic exam. If vaginas had teeth, gynos would be in big fucking trouble.

I’m trying not to dread this trip too much, and for my oldest, it might not be so bad. She likes doctors, and we’ve explained this is just a doctor who takes care of teeth, so she’s not really fearing it. But I have no idea how she’ll handle actually having someone’s fingers and tools in her mouth. I know she has cavities; getting those taken care of could require drastic measures, like industrial strength valium and some restraint straps. Andrea has some seriously sensitive teeth… just like me. But unfortunately, she wasn’t born with the ability to overlook tooth pain like I have. Or maybe she hasn’t developed it yet. Whatever. Either way, it’ll be a battle.

Raven is just… all around no. OMG, no. She freaks if the wrong person feeds her her yogurt. She’s developmentally behind, and doesn’t understand the doctor won’t hurt her, or that he’s not hurting her because he wants to, but because those cavities have to come out. (Actually, I’m not sure if she has cavities or just tartar buildup… I pray for the latter.) She doesn’t seem so sensitive in the teeth, but she doesn’t like her personal space invaded. She doesn’t like to be touched by strangers. She will bite, and I will warn the poor dentist of this long before he gets near her mouth. It’s going to be a battle of epic proportions, and quite frankly, I’m not sure we’ll win. She’s fucking stubborn.

Pray for me?

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